A sex expert weighs in.
In a perfect world, how often would you have sex?
That's the question Dax Shepard basically asked Anna Faris yesterday on her podcast, Anna Faris Is Unqualified. Shepard's query came after he, Faris, and co-host Sim Sarna got into a conversation about how sex changes after a decade of commitment and small kids—which describes Shepard's life with wife Kristen Bell.
“I like to have a lot of sex,” Faris replied. Shepard pressed her for more details, and she said, “I like to have sex every day.”
“This is very abnormal and interesting,” Shepard responded, after stating that his ideal sex frequency would be twice a week. “You’re an outlier.”
Faris' answer, and then Shepard's surprise, made us wonder. Is desiring—and getting—bedroom action every day all that unusual, and is it unrealistic to expect sex that often? We posed the question to Holly Richmond, PhD, a somatic psychologist and licensed marriage and family therapist.
For most couples, Richmond says having sex two to three times is a “cultural ideal," but she has clients who have been married for 30 years and still hit the sheets nearly every day. Still, not all couples can make this happen, especially when children and increased work responsibilities enter the picture.
As for a woman desiring sex more often than a man, Richmond believes it's a stereotype. “Societally, we think men have the higher desire or libido,” she tells Health. “But it’s specific to the individual and their personality, biology, and physiology.” Among the couples she treats, it's typically the women who wants to have more sex than her male partner, she adds.
But whether you want and get busy daily, weekly, or monthly, Richmond says that intimacy and relationship strength aren't necessarily expressed through sex. Richmond gas seen plenty of couples who have a solid, deep relationship—yet rarely get physically intimate.
So is Faris really an outlier? No—and neither is Shepard. Every couple finds their own frequency and groove, and as long as both partners are satisfied, there's no right or wrong amount of action.